I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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