her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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