It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
