guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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