Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
