i always forget guys have bellybuttons
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
