I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
