The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
