ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
