I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
