I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
