i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
