she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
