I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
