Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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