I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
