The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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