my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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