the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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