I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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