he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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