i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
