He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
