i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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