Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
did i walk over a car last night?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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