is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
