I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
