Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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