i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His hands were made for my vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
