Kiss
Puke
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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