My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
