I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
