1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
