Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
