god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
