my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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