p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
