I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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