All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
