Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
