Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Someone came in the potted fern
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
