Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
where are my eyebrows?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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