i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
