I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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