butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
