Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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