come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
farters have to be the big spoon...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
