It's like a parade of train wrecks.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
