So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's blow job season.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
