I'm going to jail i love you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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