Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
