Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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