thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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