I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
