I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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