I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
