his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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