2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
